Snape Dance A Heartwarming Tale
by SistersByProcessOfElimination
Summary: Professor Severus Snape has the opportunity to be an inspiration to one of his students. But will the ghosts of his past let him follow his dreams? Parody, Angst, w lots of Filch, SSLE, and of course, Dancing!
1. The Odd Request

What is there to say, really? Enjoy. And review. Good reviews earn a hearty thumbs up. Bad review earn a hearty thumbs down. So review. Or we will hunt you. :-D

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The Slytherins were being unusually boisterous today. Throwing things like paper airplanes, and sniggering about their latest evil plans and generally being evil as Slytherins inherently are.

Snape swept into the room like a giant bat, as Snape was prone do. The entire class hushed as they gazed upon their more than usually grumpy teacher.

-X-

"Minerva. Why can it not be… must I be the one to teach them."

"Actually Severus, yes, you must be the one to teach your house to dance for the upcoming ball. I'll be teaching the Gryfindors, Pamona the Hufflepuffs, even Filius is teaching the Ravenclaws… Now how would it look if you _refused_ to teach the Slytherins. You wouldn't want them to be the only ones unable to dance."

Severus Snape Paled at the thought of being showed up by the other houses…. Especially …. Gryfindor……. Yet again.

"I'll do it….. I won't like it… but I'll do it."

Minerva smiled to herself as she watched her former student stalk away 'Oh Severus,' She thought slyly, 'I'm sure you'll enjoy it…'

-X-

"As you know….. Hogwarts is soon to hold a ball. The Yule ball." Snape pronounced every syllable with supreme disinterest and distaste. "This 'Ball' shall most likely entail… dancing of some sort, the most likely of which is to be the… waltz. You all must learn this waltz before the night of the ball arrives…. I won't have any of you making a fool of m- themselves…." He paused for a moment as though caught in painful memories… "Now! Surely at least some of you already know how the steps are performmed… Any Volunteers?"

Two girls in the back raised their hands enthusiastically. But Snape refused to call on anyone who giggled all through potions and still managed to get top marks

"Any gentlemen? You two!" He pointed sharply towards a rather startled Pansy Parkinson (having skillfully evaded the other two) and an equally unprepared Draco Malfoy. "Yes you." He said silkily.

The two students had no choice but to stand and attempt to dance.

Severus rolled his eyes at the pathetic imitation of yet more pathetic dance. Finally it became too much and Snape could feel his temper beginning to win out against his usually unflappable self-control.

"No!" He cried! "You're doing It all wrong you. Stupid girl!" As he none too gently pushed Pansy away from Malfoy's arms and proceeded to take her place. "This, watch carefully girl, is how it's done." He began to demonstrate an almost perfect foxtrot. Almost perfect because unfortunately, Malfoy was also a terrible dancer. He again felt his temper gaining the best of him. "Lead!" He whispered urgently.

"What?" Malfoy replied in hushed tones.

"I said lead boy, Lead!" He yelled the last word for all to hear.

"You heard the man!" cried Filch from his gramophone-laden corner, "Lead!"

"But!" Said Malfoy, clearly in a panic, "I don't know how to lead"

Snape pushed the boy away in disgust. He had had enough of this foolishness. "Class Dismissed." He said rubbing his temples. No one made a move to leave the room. "I said 'Class! Dismissed!'" They all scurried from the room, like rats because they're all evil (invariably so), except for one lonely figure, sitting huddled on the ground in the exact spot where Snape had pushed him.

"P-Professor," The blonde boy said softly (It was Malfoy in case you're a _complete_ dunderhead), pulling himself to his feet and dusting off his bottom. "I- I- I-"

"Well out with it boy," Snape said irritably.

"You heard the man, out with it!" Said Filch still in his corner, earning him a well deserved glare from Snape. Filch decided it was time to take his leave and allow the two of them their moment.

"P-Professor…"

"Whaat?"

"Well…….. "

"Out with it boy. You are wasting my time."

"There's this girl."

"Dear, God." Snape muttered, unable to believe how he had gotten himself into such a predicament.

"And well… I need to- to" Malfoy stuttered in a completely out of character way and blushed in an also entirely out of character manner. "I need to impress her."

Snape began too grow… apprehensive at his student's odd behavior. "That's nice." He said, "Now… hurry along." And he turned to leave

"No! Sir, wait." Malfoy's uncharacteristic timidity was now really beginning to grate on Snape's nerves.

"Whaaat?" He drawled uncomfortably.

"I want to learn to dance! Will you teach me… professor?"

Snape regarded his student. The hope in his eyes shone brightly, and he could almost sense the burning desire to learn. Finally he sighed and gave his answer.

"No." And he stormed away leaving a heartbroken Draco.


	2. Snapedance

McGonagal stepped swiftly through the halls of Hogwarts. The tests in her arms needed her immediate attention, and unfortunately she was already two minutes and forty-seven seconds behind schedule due to a prank pulled by that damned Sirius Black. As if the stress from the Triwizard tournament weren't enough, those boys had found it their duty to welcome their foreign brethren with a steady stream of asinine pranks. She was about to turn the corridor to her office when she heard something… rather strange.

She listened intently… Could it be? Was it… _Music?_ She followed the sounds of the straining chords down down down… downdowndowndown the halls down down she went down! the halls until she reached the source of the sound. Cautiously she opened the door and peered inside. What she saw, she knew she would never, ever ever ever evereverever EVER! Forget! Ever. No matter how much she would have liked to.

In the room, Young, greasy, awkward, unpopular, SEVERUS SNAPE! Was…he was _DANCING!_ To a full magically animated string quartet. Yes, dancing. His arms flailing about in an abstract expression of passion and exuberance. His legs moving in way that mankind was never meant to move, and his, oh his face, radiating a look of pure joy, in the same way that a microwave will radiate radiation. Which will in fact kill you.

The affect would have been lovely, had it not been quite so grotesque.


	3. Persistance

No reviews. :-( But I wanted to post this before I left and it became much harder to post. So here's chapter 3. Oh, and I really hope that no one out there is taking this story seriously, it's supposed to be ridiculous.

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It was late. And Severus Snape knew that he should be asleep, but the events of the week weighed so heavily on his mind that rest was impossible….

He should have just helped the boy! He was a teacher, after all, and that was his job. Technically.

And he would have, had Draco asked him to teach him anything else. But what could Snape teach him about dancing?

"plenty…" Said a little voice in his head, and he almost allowed himself to smile before catching himself and shaking his head as though to rid the blasphemous thoughts from his mind.

"No I could only teach him heartache." Snape could still hear the sound of his jeering classmates. And that was oh so many years ago….

Well. They just hadn't understood dance. It was art. And what did a bunch of teenagers know about art? Nothing! "And neither does Draco. He doesn't know what he's asking of me."

But if there was one thing to be said about Draco Malfoy, it was that he was incredibly persistent. He simply would not accept no for an answer.

After potions class Draco had stayed after….

"P- professor"

Snape looked up and regarded his student with a heavy disinterested gaze, "what."

"well, Professor, I thought that maybe you just wanted more time to _think,_ to- to consider whether…"

"Yes. The weather. It rains. Thank you for this chat Malfoy, it was most insightful."

"No! That's not what I meant! I mean, well now that you've had time to really think about my request, maybe now you're ready to- to- to-"

"Out with it."

" To teach-"

"No."

"Please!?"

"Get out."

Then, at dinner the next day:

"P-professor."

"Yesss. Misster. Malfoy" Snape hissed.

"What about now? Have you had enough time to-"

"No. Go eat."

And then, in the teachers lounge:

"Malfoy what on God's green earth are you doing in here. And how did you get past the guard troll?"

"Professor, Please-"

"No. Leave."

"But-"

"LEAVE, or I'll take ten… five points from Slytheryn"

Malfoy gasped, "You wouldn't dare."

"Try. Me."

Malfoy backed away, in terror, not daring to take his eyes off of this horrifying man, then broke into a dead run out of the teachers lounge all the way back to the Slytheryn commons.

And then, worst of all, last night:

Snape awoke to find Draco Malfoy's face hovering inches from his own.

"How in the Bloody Hell of c(censor)ing bowtruckles did you get into my room!?!? How did you even find it!"

At which point Malfoy grabbed him by the front of his robe and cried desperately, "Help me Professor! You're my only hope!!!!!"

"OUT!!!!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!!"

"You heard the man!" said Filch, "Get out!"

Snape whirled around to see the scruffy caretaker huddling in the corner of his room petting Mrs. Norris like some 70's spy movie villain.

"You!?"

And then Severus Snape actually woke up in a cold sweat. It was 2:00 in the morning, which doesn't really matter but we thought we'd throw in the time just to show how desperate the situation had gotten.

Since that night, Snape had been afraid to sleep.

"Severus, you're looking… unwell." Professor McGonagal delicately commented.

"Why thank you Minerva, likewise."

"Now, I realize that you never look _well_, or at least not what a normal person would consider 'well'…"

"Thank you Minerva." Snape replied through gritted teeth. He was so exhausted that he could not even think of a suitable comeback.

"But today you're looking especially… peeked."

"Yes, and I realize that you are always an annoying hag, but today you're being particularly mind-shreddingly irritating, and especially haggish."

Minerva McGonagal took the insults in stride, and instead turned the tables on him.

"It's bothering you, the boy's request."

"It. Is. Not." Snape said, again with clenched jaw.

"You took points off Slytheryn." McGonagal deadpanned.

"I did not!" Snape cried indignantly. "I onlythreatenedto."

"What was that?"

"How did you know about that anyhow?"

"Oh Severus," She said, placing a friendly hand on his shoulder, "_everyone_ knows about that."

"Damn."

"Teach him to dance," McGonogal entreated, "It would be good for him!"

Snape looked at her, and she gave him a significant look, "It would be good… for the _both_ of you."

"I- I can't." Snape looked away in shame, tears welling in his eyes. He quickly shook them away, "I will not! I do not waste my time with the silly needs of mere schoolboys. And I certainly don't dance." And with that, Snape stood to make his smooth exit.

"Severus Snape!" McGonagal called after him, authority dripping from her voice, "as deputy headmistress, I command you to teach the boy to dance or I'll-"

"You'll what?"

"I'll…" (pause for dramatic effect), "Lower your pay."

"You can't do that."

"Oh, I believe you'll find that statement quite wrong or, in your words… _try me._"

"Damn."


	4. Lily's Revenge

"Come on Lily, just go to the Ball with me. If you don't say yes soon I'll ask someone else and then how will you feel?"

"I'll feel glad that you finally took a hint."

James Potter laughed along with the rest of the crowd, but it didn't take a genius to see that he was severely pissed off at the damn girl's stubbornness.

"All right then Evans, you win this round," he winked and threw her the ol' 'snap-and-point, "but you haven't yet won the war!"

Lily did not dignify this repulsive display with an answer and walked away without another word- right past where one Severus Snape was hiding and eavesdropping on the whole conversation.

"_HEY_ Lily!" he blurted enthusiastically, obviously ecstatic at her continual rejection of his rival

Lily jumped about a mile in the air, and her books flew yet higher before landing about twenty feet away in each direction.

"Oh! I'm sorry!"

"Jeeze, Sev, You gotta stop _lurking_ like that!" She said as he scurried trying to collect her scattered schoolwork.

"I heard your conversation," he said quickly, ignoring her comment and cutting directly to what he wanted to discuss, knowing that if he failed to do so he would lose all nerve entirely.

"Oh, yeah," She scowled, "that Potter puss-head, he doesn't when to just… let it die."

"So… it's… it is dead then, right?"

"It was never alive! It was stillborn!" They looked at each other a moment, "Ok this is a really weird conversation, can we change the subject?"  
"No!" She raised her eyebrow, "I mean yes we can cha- well, I mean, I might have a solution."

"What are you talking about? Are you sweating?" as she looked out at the frozen lake outside the castle window.

"Well, I mean, maybe _we_ should- just to get him to lay off- but I mean if you don't want to, I would completely-"

"Sev! You're a genius!"

"I- am? I am! Yeah."

"That's great, and nothing will bother him more than if I 'm going with you!"

"Yeah." Severus grimaced knowing the danger he was putting himself in by going with the girl he really wanted to go with. But there comes a time in every man's life (they're 14) when he has grit his teeth and fight for the woman he loves! (Yeah. 14).

It was at that moment when young Severus Snape was filled with the burning desire to impress the girl of his dreams with his fantastic dancing skills. Dancing skills that he did not possess. Yet! But he would possess them, those dancing skills, or die trying (Yeah, he's serious. Not to be confused with Sirius).

X

Snape stormed down into the dungeons towards the Slytherin Common room. He could easily have gone in himself, but knew that tormenting small children was far more entertaining and life affirming. Especially knowing that he was about to do something that would bruise his self image quite severely. So the first first year Slytherin who tried to scurry past him he grabbed by the scruff of the robes and demanded in a way that only Severus Snape can,

"Get Malfoy," The boy was so terrified that he was frozen in the spot, "Now!" The boy scampered down the stone hall, barely able to keep out of the way of his own feet, he was so frightened. A few moments later Draco stepped out of the portrait hole confused and a little frightened as well to see his head of house waiting for him.

"Alright Boy!!!! You win!"

Draco looked up in shock, "P-Professor?"

"Shut up!" Draco's eyes widened and he began to wonder if coming out here had been a terrible mistake. "I'll teach you."

"What!?"

"I'll teach you to…dance." He whispered the last word as if it were the last word he would ever speak.

"T-Thank you Professor Snape. You won't regret it."

"I already do."

End Chapter 4


	5. More Bad Memories

Young Severus Snape decided that the best way to impress his friend was to practice his dance moves as often as possible, and not rest until he was certain that he could pull them off gracefully. He harbored sweet visions of his dear friend "ooh"-ing, and "ah"-ing at his grace and loveliness, and she wouldn't even have a spare thought to notice how jealous James was.

He knew where he had to go a room he had stumbled upon long long long longlonglong looooooong agooooo. When he was but a child of 13. (Yes, that's a year ago).

(Now for a flashback [within a flashback)

Ever since Avery and Mulciber had discovered just how much he cared for his muggle-born friend, they refused to leave Severus alone. At first they had thought it was because the two had known each other before school, but now, in their third year it was plain the friendship ran deeper than all that, especially for Severus, and they felt it was time for him to let such ties go. They decided to let him know in as tactful a manner as possible.

"Muggle-Lover! Muggle-Lover! Muggle-Lover! Muggle-Lover! Muggle-Lover!" the sign squeaked every time he took a step, and try as he may, he could not remove it from his back. He had the distinct feeling that Avery had put a permanent sticking charm on the dreadful thing. He ran through the hall ("MuggleLoverMuggleLoverMuggleLoverMuggleLover!") the Slytherins laughing at him, and everyone else looking at him as though he had washed his hair. He couldn't decide whether it was worth it to just take off his robes. No, that would be worse worse worse.

He turned down into a less populated corridor to avoid the stares, and launched himself into the first door he could find. Inside he found a very large walk-in closet with an entire wall of mirrors, and sets of robes in all sizes for all the houses. As soon as he switched robes the incessant squeaking stopped and he realized that he had been holding his breath. His skin had been turning blue, and of course red from the embarrassment resulting in some bizarre purple shade. It was quite lovely actually. He took a deep breath, looked at himself in the mirror and exited the room he had not thought about enough yet to classify as mysterious.

And found himself face to face with one Lily Evans.

"Sev! There you are! You completely missed Transfiguration! I took notes for you, well, you can copy mine that is." Severus smiled at his friend's kindness and thanked his lucky stars that she hadn't seen him with that awful sign on his back. She grinned, "don't you just love me!?"

When he had turned around, later in the conversation, the door had gone. He had not found it the same way ever again, but only when he was in great need. And he knew this was a time of great need. He _needed_ to learn to dance. Greatly.

X

"Well, Draco… The first thing you need to learn about dancing is… too… erm…" Draco was looking up at him with such admiration and trust that Snape found it very hard to concentrate. This had never happened to him before.

"Yes Professor?" The boy said eagerly

Snape opened and closed his mouth a few times, at a complete loss as to what to say to this boy.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

End Chapter five

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